


Ephemeral butterfly dreams

by cuckooclover



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Some scenes very heavily based on the 1994 film, Star-crossed, Tragedy, alternate universe- butterfly lovers, likely gets Taiwanese history VERY wrong cause I'm not a historian, oblivious Netherlands, parent says no to relationship, pretending to be a guy because of the time period, rly soz, somewhat happy ending, though it doesn't come until the second half
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-05-29 20:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15081182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuckooclover/pseuds/cuckooclover
Summary: To prepare himself as a merchant, Jan was sent to study at a Formosan academy. Meanwhile, a rich family sends their daughter, Mei, disguised as a man to the same academy. The two meet and form a strong friendship that deepens into something more intimate. Unfortunately, their happiness cannot last long. Based on the legend of the butterfly lovers. Written for Freeandbored on FFN.net! Formerly titled Past and present lives together





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to Freeandbored on FFN.net/nethwan on Tumblr! These two has grown on me aaaaaa
> 
> There may be some historical inaccuracies, apologies. ^^" it's important to note that since this is an adaptation of a legend, some creative liberties may be taken.
> 
> For the best experience, listen to the Butterfly Lovers concerto while reading :D

_1655_

_Formosa_

His arrival to Formosa served as a pleasant surprise. He had thought that it would be a lot more sandy. In contrast, Formosa was a painting, with its porcelain white sand, the sapphire blue shores, and the trees the deepest of jade green. Jan knew that he would like his three years on the island more than he thought. No wonder they called it the beautiful island.

With his thumb, Jan smudged a bit of white pastel on his canvas, the black blending into a grey. He had hoped this would mimic the wispy breath of clouds that circled the mountain tops. To his disappointment, the pattern was too stiff, the colour too dark. Jan realised that the ship had stopped. Standing up and stretching, he walked onto the port.

His father was a merchant who was stationed at Formosa. He had chosen him to study here to understand the growing Han population whom he will trade with once he became a merchant.

Students clad in blue and white hanfu with their black hair done in a bun glanced at him. Otherwise went on to do their own business. Being the only European in a sea of Hans, and especially with his height, he stuck out like a sore thumb.

Even the dormitories were different. The sliding doors, the paper covered windows, the intricate lacquered wood. After Jan unpacked at his assigned dormitory, he pulled out some paper and his box of pastels. There was a pagoda on a hill that he had seen, away from the hustle and bustle of the other students. The view up there should be good.

As a ninth child and only daughter, Mei can't believe her luck of being able to study at the academy. The binding on her chest was tight and painful, but as long as she didn't let her hair down, she should be able to pass on as a man. Sticking her head out of the carriage window, when Mei saw the rooftops of the academy, a grin spread across her face. She couldn't wait to study there!

Carrying her luggage, she hopped off of the carriage towards the entrance. There were other students at the courtyard already. All either messing around, meeting other students or studying. When she looked around, another student a stark contrast from the rest caught her eye. From his blonde hair to his angled face, she could tell that he was a foreigner. He was sitting at a pagoda with a small pad, looking up, then down again. Was he drawing?

Curious, Mei went up the pagoda and sat by him. He didn't seem to notice her and continued to draw with some pigment sticks. Now that she was closer, she could tell that he was much taller than what she had thought he was, and that small scar nicked the side of his forehead. Mei nudged closer, she took a peek of the artwork. To her surprise, it was a purple trumpet flower that hung by the pagoda's vine that she didn't see.

"Wow, it's so pretty!" A quiet gasp escaped him, and he glanced up with a surprised expression on his face.

"Oh. Erhm, thank you," he replied, his accent heavy. Mei looked down. Purple hues stained his fingers, while a purple pigment stick rested between them. She raised an eyebrow. Drawing with a pigment stick without watering it down or using a brush?

"Don't you need to water that down first?"

"Water? Ah, no." No? "They are pastels." Mei looked down at a wooden box that held the pastels. Most of them had been worn down to stubs. Paper with European words wrapped around the longer, newer ones.

"Ah! It's a European medium! I see…" Mei looked at the drawing, and her smile faded. In surprising him, a white pastel streak stretched across the paper, ruining the flower. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Hm?"

"The drawing, it's ruined!" Jan glanced back to the drawing and frowned a little. He wasn't too upset at the mistake, and he shrugged.

"I will draw the sky, then," he replied. He dug out a blue pastel before he coloured the environment surrounding the flower blue, covering up the white streak. Mei watched as he coloured over the white streak with purples, greens, and blues. She twirled her thumbs as she watched him draw.

"Ah, excuse me, where are my manners! What's your name?" She asked.

"My name is Jan," he replied, eyes still transfixed on the artwork before he glanced towards her. "What is yours?"

"M- Tang!" She replied, changing her name to her intended one. Luckily, the blonde boy named Jan didn't notice and nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Tang." Mei smiled. A flash of red and black on the flower caught her attention. When she glanced to the side, she saw that a red and black butterfly had perched on top of the flower. She looked at Jan's pastels, and an idea popped in her head.

"Hey." Mei pulled out her own painting set. Some paper, water, pigments, and a brush. "Let's see who can draw it better! Chinese paints versus European pastels!"

"A competition? And the winner gets…?"

"Oh. Hmm… Well," Mei put her hands on her hips. "if I lose, I'll help you with your studies. Your pronunciation needs some polishing up to be able to pass! But if you lose, you'll have to teach me how to use your pastels!" She stuck out her hand to Jan, who raised an eyebrow. "Deal?"

"And the winner is…"

"Whoever can paint it the fastest!" He stroked his chin.

"But your wide brushes would not make this fair," he noted, a cheeky smile forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Well, you could use the side of your pastels!" Jan raised his eyebrows as a response. He reached forward and shook her hand.

"That's fair."

"Ready? Set? Go!"

With no need to water it down using an inkstone, Jan was able to outline the butterfly's shape, as opposed to Mei. But Mei was quick and efficient with her brush, so she was able to catch up.

Mei's nose itched. Placing her paintbrush down, she sneezed into her sleeve, and the butterfly flew away. The act caused Jan to look up.

They had both coloured only one wing that almost traced the other side. Jan had a single pastel stroke snaking to the other side, meaning that his drawing was closer to the end result.

"Did I win?"

A drop of red paint from Mei's painting slid down the paper. They laughed.

For the rest of the afternoon, they talked and joked until the sky turned into a tangerine orange. Jan helped her carry her luggage to Mei's dormitory as they walked to the students' sleeping quarters. They bid goodbye, and Mei watched as Jan leave. When she was certain that he was out of sight, she loosened the binding on her chest, and she breathed in relief.

Jan seemed to be a nice guy. Despite them already talking for the entire afternoon, she knew that they will be good friends in the three years that they were together.

Mei sat on the side of the bed. A butterfly tickled the inside of her stomach. She breathed, hoping to calm it down. Instead, a kaleidoscope more erupted, and she dug her face into the cotton of the duvet as a squeal escaped out of her. Three years with him!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the next 3 years, Mei and Jan study at the academy, where they forge a strong friendship.

Mei stretched as the bell tolled, announcing the start of the morning. She stretched, her head dozy, but ecstasy buzzing in her stomach. A new day of studying, a new year, a fresh start!

She put on his disguise, making sure to pack her hair into the bun extra tight, and the bindings on her chest were secure enough. As she got ready for the day, the chatter outside of her dormitory grew and grew. Carrying her materials, she joined the hoard of other students.

Jan woke up to the sound of chatter and bell tolls, and so promptly got ready for the day. He followed the other students to the courtyard where they will study, anxious about the lessons today. From the corner of his eye, he saw Tang rushing to his side.

"Morning!" he greeted. Jan looked down.

"Ah. Morning."

They tred to the courtyard, the low desks underneath the plum blossom trees already sprinkled with its fallen petals.

Tang kneeled at a desk, placing his supplies down, and Jan kneeled beside him, doing the same. With poetry being studied today, they had paperback books with them. He thumbed their spines, bound with white, cotton thread.

Very soon, the teacher arrived, a fan in one hand while stroking his long, white beard with the other. He welcomed the students to the academy and instructed them to turn to a page. Jan did the same. But when he looked at the characters below him, he frowned. True, he knew some conversational characters, but the rest he didn't recognise yet.

He nudged to his companion, who perked up. "Tang, can you tell me what that reads?"

"Let me see." Tang nudged in closer, and looked at the poem, before smiling. "Ah! My father really likes this poem!" He read it out loud. However, half of the words didn't make sense. Somehow, they jumbled out into an intelligible string of vowels. Jan's lips twisted as he tried to decipher the other half of them. Being a merchant's son, most of what he knew of the language was conversational, as opposed to the formality of this poem. Tang looked up.

"Is that clear?"

"Erhm, pardon? I don't think I know half the words-"

"De Vries," The teacher called, a fan resting in one hand. "Read the poem for today."

Jan stood up, scrunching his brow in recalling the poem. From the best of his ability, he recalled what he heard.

Tang clapped his hands together, and gave him an encouraging smile! He smiled back as he sat down at the desk.

"You did it!" He cheered, patting his shoulder. In contrast, the teacher eyed him, waving his fan.

"What is the intended meaning of the poem, and how is this meaning created?"

"It's… it's means-"

The teacher sighed in frustration as he shook his head.

"Poetry is drawing meaning from a text, not garbling the sounds. Improve your pronunciation next time as well, you sound like a dying mule," he scolded, fanning his fan. Some students snickered before the teacher moved down to the next row.

Jan sat down, a glimmer of dejection in his eyes. Mei huffed, and patted his shoulder, causing him to look up. "Don't worry. The characters are at a hard level, anyway, you're doing great!" In front of them, another student recited the poetry, the teacher nodding along. "Though maybe you could practice a little more." Cue the teacher scolding the student about the way the words were emphasised before the rest of the class laughed. "Okay, a  _lot_  more practice."

* * *

Under orange candlelight, Tang dropped some poems and some writing supplies down. he put his hands on his hips. "Okay, I'm gonna have to be tougher on you this time around so that you catch up. Got that?"

"Uh-huh. Got that."

"Right." Tang pulled out the book from today and flipped to the poem. "The biggest problem for you was that you don't know half the words yet."

He nodded. He stroked his chin while looking down at the poem.

"Of course, your other problem is that you can't read nor recognise half of these words yet." She sighed. Jan picked up an inkstone and an ink stick, and with some water, brewed some ink.

"I've got an idea for reading them." Mei looked up and watched, interested. Dipping a brush into the welling ink, Jan wrote down phonetics with European letters onto another piece of paper.

"Ah! Phonetics, I see!" Mei lied down onto her stomach, her eyes following the letters, waiting for him to finish. "Though we still need to figure out a way for you to know the meaning of the words." Jan nodded as he continued to write the sounds down.

For a while, it was just them, the crickets outside, and the brush dying the letters, a flickering orange light beside them. Mei yawned.

"Jan, do you ever think of home?" Jan glanced up. Twirling the calligraphy brush between his long fingers, he nodded.

"Sometimes." He leaned onto his arm. "Mostly because I miss my siblings. But I like it here. It's a beautiful place, even though I'm not exactly treated like a local."

"Uh-huh, I agree, it's very beautiful here!" Tang replied with a smile on his face. He glanced to the side, thinking up something else to say. "You've got siblings? Me too! How many!"

"Yes. I've got a sister and a brother. You?"

"Oh yeah," Tang sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "I have siblings, but they're all guys." Jan raised an eyebrow at Tang's dejected tone.

"Aren't you a guy too? You're saying that as if it's a bad thing."

"Uh-huh, yep." He sighed. He perked up as if he realised he let out an important piece of information. "But anyway, enough with the chit-chat, let's keep on reviewing!"

Tang's quick change of the topic surprised him. Nevertheless, Jan shrugged it off, and continued to write the phonetics.

* * *

The sound of a bell caused Mei to stir. The dormitory was washed with the sun's rays. She gasped. It was morning! The candle now snuffed out to a stump, with a dozing Jan's face fallen into the inkstone. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he stirred.

"Jan! It's class time! We-" his words melted into laughter at the sight of Jan. He rose up, half of his face dyed black with ink, with some even in his hair. He fell asleep on the inkstone!

Jan raised his eyebrows at the sight of Tang laughing until he touched his face and stared at the black ink on his fingers in horror. He glanced up to Tang and squinted.

"Tang!"

"Hm?"

"Your hanfu, the words are printed onto it!" Tang's eyes widened in horror as he kneeled up, screaming in horror (and a surprisingly high pitched voice) at his ruined outfit.

* * *

After a quick clothes change and a thorough clean of the ink, the two rushed towards the courtyard, the other students already writing characters onto paper with large brushes. Calligraphy! They sat down at their desk and pulled out their calligraphy materials.

"You're late," the teacher scolded with a dirty look in his eyes.

"He was up studying all night, I was helping him!" Tang objected. The teacher stroked his long beard with narrowed eyes.

"Fine. Get your materials ready."

After they pulled out their materials, they got to work with writing the characters. Jan's was wonky and out of proportion. He leaned over to his companion's calligraphy and whistled.

"That's pretty neat," he whispered. Tang turned to him and smiled.

"Thank you!"

"Wang Tang, let me see what you've got there," said the teacher. Tang looked up and backed away. The teacher peered at Tang's work. "No no, that's too restricted, it needs to flow. As for you, Jan De Vries…" He glanced towards Jan's calligraphy. "I see you're painting a mutilated snake. This is a calligraphy class, not an art class." The rest of the class erupted in laughter.

* * *

Again, they've studied at Jan's dormitory. Tang huffed as he unpacked the writing utensils.

"Hmph! Mutilated snake! We'll show him!"

* * *

To their despair, they were late the next day, Jan's face red from scrubbing ink off, and Tang adjusting the ties of the hanfu, each carrying a guqin under their arms. It was music today.

Both of their music was not as good. No matter how hard they tried to follow the required melody, both of their music sounded horrendous.

The teacher watched Tang and Jan play and looked at them with judgement.

"The Han has stooped to the level of the foreigner. My, what a turn of events!" The rest of the class laughed. Jan frowned at seeing the tables turn and Tang's spirits lower. He tapped him on the shoulder.

"Let's both revise this evening."

* * *

And so this pattern continued on for a few more weeks, Tang helping Jan with his calligraphy and poetry as they talked, usually late the next morning. Over the time period, the two of them became good friends, who are able to support each other during the tough times. At some days, he was really grateful for Tang's friendship.

Jan felt that just helping Tang with his music wasn't enough for the countless nights of calligraphy and poetry studies. He thought- what could he do to thank him? Jan remembered how Tang had eyed his pastels on the first day here. Perhaps he could lend some to him as an act of gratitude.

"I'm thinking," Jan started in their art class, a class they were both good in, "as repayment for all the help with the calligraphy and the poetry, would you like me to teach you how to use pastels?" Tang's eyes lit up, and a huge grin stretched across his face as he nodded rapidly.

"Certainly!"

Tang experimented with Jan's pastels that night, drawing some objects around his dormitory. The images were soft, messy things resulting from only just able to learn how to use pastels. Despite the paper covering the pastels, oranges and reds stained onto Tang's fingers already.

He was up to his seventh picture, though judging from how he tilted his head and sighed, he was still getting the hang of it. Tang had promise- he had shown him his just as apt artistic abilities, it's simply a different medium.

Tang huffed as he sat back, examining the drawing of a calligraphy brush. Jan leaned next to Tang, examining the drawing.

"Hm... not bad. You could use more blue for the shadow to accentuate the orange highlights." It was a little more formal than what they would've preferred, but it will do. It was a nice change of pace- this time, Jan was giving advice, not the other way round. At times, Jan worried if his advice was too harsh on Tang, who mixed his own with words of encouragement. "But... I think that you've improved since your first picture," he added. Tang nodded.

"Thanks!"He replied with a smile. Turning back, he continued to work on the image.

As Tang used primarily yellow colours, by the time he was finished, his fingers were stained with a saffron yellow. Tang seemed to be thinking about something as he focused on the tip of his stained fingers.

"Is something wrong?" Tang hummed in response.

"You know... how do you say the colour yellow?" Jan raised his eyebrow. "In Dutch."

"Ah. That would be  _geel_."

" _Geel,_ " Tang repeated under his breath, as if admiring each syllable and nodded. "I see! How about red?"

" _Rood_."

For the rest of the evening, Jan instructed Tang on using pastels while Tang asked him about colours in Dutch.

Time seemed to fly quickly. That night, Tang fell asleep at the desk, his back rising up and down, a picture of a candle on a piece of paper drawn. Jan picked up the piece of paper, examining the picture of the candle. Tang had coloured the background a maroon colour to highlight the candle's pale wax body and the golden flame. Furthermore, he used a pale purple colour for the shadows, contrasting with the yellow light. He smiled.

"Tang?" Jan whispered. "Tang." He was fast asleep, his form draped over the desk. He kneeled down to take a closer look. A tint of red, yellow and orange covered his forefingers, a pastel rolling away from them. Jan had to admit, with the gentle lighting and shadows, he looked like a Renaissance painting.

"Well done," he whispered. Not wanting to wake him up, Jan put a blanket over him and blew out the candle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not really my best chapter, apologies ;-;  
> EDIT: so it came to my attention that two of the sentences are incomplete! This is fixed now ^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mei is sick that day, and so couldn't come to class. Jan decided to come and visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the insanely long wait. I’ve realised some historical inaccuracies in the fic due to poor research, so here is a disclaimer:
> 
> Mandarin was not a major language in Taiwan at the time. Furthermore, most of the Han Chinese people in Taiwan weren’t upper class, but were rather labourers from Fujian. 
> 
> Don’t study for your Taiwanese history exam through this fic, y’all D: Nevertheless, I’m still going to continue this fic. If historical fiction is allowed to have inaccuracies, I’m sure that a fictional retelling of a legend is allowed as well.

For two more years, Jan and Mei continued this lifestyle of waking up late, rushing to class, and barely passing their classes. Over time, they got used to this new schedule, figuring out how to study without oversleeping, and improving their skills and techniques. Over time, Jan's fluency improved, from a few heavily accented words to having his speech nearly indistinguishable from a native speaker's. Now that the teacher had stopped paying attention to Jan's lack of fluency, he was able to do better in his classes. Some acquaintances had congratulated him for being able to master his subjects, even while being a foreigner.

But to be honest, Jan couldnt've been where he is now without his good friend, Tang, who was the first one to befriend him here, who sat at the desk next to him for the past few years. Tang, who never stopped supporting him, helping him, even when they needed to both study until midnight and when Tang needed support in classes he struggled in as well. Sometimes, there are times when he was very grateful of Tang's friendship.

Plum blossoms drifted onto Tang's side of the desk as the teacher lectured, when Tang would've brushed them away already. Jan huffed. Due to a cold, Tang couldn't come to class today, and had to stay in his dormitory. Today was awfully quiet without Tang there to talk with him.

After the bell tolled and the last lesson finished, Jan followed the rest of the students back to the dormitories. Passing by Tang's dormitory, he paused. It wouldn't hurt to pay him a visit. To check how he is faring with the cold and all that. He rushed back to his own dormitory to put his class materials down, deciding that he will pay his classmate a visit.

"ACHOO!" Mei sneezed into the sleeve of her white undergarment, her nose still blocked and her head pulsing. She rubbed her head, trying to ease the small migraine.

The bright side was that she could take off her bindings for a whole day. At the thought of that, a happy sigh came out as she relaxed into the covers.

"Tang, may I come in?" Mei bolted up. Whipping towards the doors, Jan's tall silhouette peeked behind the paper window.

"Jan!" She gruffened her voice to the best of her ability despite her ill state. "Hang on!" That binding cloth! Where was it, where was it?

Aha! The edge hid under the beddings! Yanking the cloth out, she tied it around her chest and tucked in the loose ends.

"You can come in now!" She declared, putting on her best gruff voice despite the cold. Jan entered with a bowl of medicine. But at the sight of her, he raised an eyebrow, and glanced up and down at Mei. Was something wrong? A cool sheen of sweat covered her skin as Jan rubbed his chin. She gave out a nervous chuckle. "What's wrong?"

It then came to her that she forgot to do her hair. With her hair down, she looked like a girl.

Oh. No wonder he looked do confused.

"... Are-"

"Yep, you've got me!" She chuckled, relaxing into her normal voice, "I'm a girl."

The bowl shattered onto the floor as Jan widened his eyes and froze.

It then came to Mei that that probably wasn't the conclusion Jan thought of. Oh dear. Mei gave out a sheepish smile. "Erhm… surprise?]

* * *

After she calmed him down and Jan cleaned the mess before getting a new bowl of medicine, Mei explained to Jan everything. How she passed the entrance exam disguised as a man, how she made sure to put up her hair and gruffen her voice, as well as bound her chest using a cloth, and how miraculously, no one noticed. As Jan listened, he was surprisingly calm, stroking his chin and nodding occasionally.

"So… no one must know." Mei nodded.

"Uh-huh."

"Otherwise, you can't attend anymore."

Mei chewed her bottom lip. "Uh-huh." Jan squinted and looked up and down as he stroked his chin.

He huffed and shrugged. "Certainly." Mei gasped! "You've passed the entrance exam, after all. Why not- OOF!" His words were cut off when Mei tackled him in a hug.

"Thank you, Jan!" She cheered. "thank you so so so so much!"

"Ah, don't worry. I'm just surprised at how I wasn't able to notice for so long. That's all." Sensing that her hug was a little too tight, Mei let go.

"Me neither!" Mei stuck out her tongue as she brushed back her hair. "Every morning I prayed that I wouldn't be found out. I guess that all that praying sorted out then!"

Jan shook her hand, looking into her shiny, obsidian eyes with his own leafy green ones. "On the other hand, I promise that I won't tell anyone, Mei. Erhm…" he glanced to the side, chewing his lips in thought. "Do you prefer Tang or Mei?"

"Either's fine! I've been called Tang for a while now, it's a second name for me." Jan raised an eyebrow at Mei's response and smiled.

"I think that I'll try my best to use your original name, or at least both." Mei raised her eyebrows and smiled at Jan's earnesty. "Oh! And by the way," Jan started as he presented a bowl of hot, green medicine, "I brought some medicine for you from the kitchen,"

Mei looked at the concoction, and shrivelled and scrunched her nose in disgust at the hot, herbal vapours. "Gosh, I hate drinking medicine. The smell reminds me of garden mulch!" Even with her nose blocked, the herbal smell sneaked through, and she wrinkled her nose. To stop that dreaded scent, Mei pinched her nose as she prepared to down that thing in one go.

"You need to drink it so that you can get better faster," Jan reasoned.

"I know, I'm just preparing to drink it," she replied. Jan was looking down at the medicine for some reason, however.

"Hang on." Rolling up his long sleeves, he held the bowl up to his mouth.

"GOSH! Hey, no need to taste it, I can drink it fine!" Jan put the bowl down.

"I know, I know, I'm checking the temperature, only my lip touched it," Jan replied. Upon closer inspection, Mei realised that only his bottom lip was shiny from being dipped into the concoction.

"Oh." She gave a small giggle. "Excuse me. Thank you, though."

With a sigh of satisfaction, Jan placed the bowl beside her, and dipped a spoon inside. Knowing that she needed to drink it to get better, she grabbed the spoon and scooped up a spoonful of the tar thick substance.

"Careful, it's hot!" He warned.

"I know, I know!" Mei blew on the medicine and drank small portions from the spoon as she pinched her nose. She winced when a jab of pain stabbed her throat as soon as she swallowed.

"You alright?" Mei nodded.

"Yep! My throat's just really sore from the cold and all," she replied as she touched her throat. Jan nodded.

"Ah. Drink it slowly, then."

Jan stayed by her side for the rest of the afternoon. By the time the bowl was empty, it was dusk. The tangerine sunset mingled with the navy blue twilight as the crickets chirruped and the bamboo rustled. As it turned dark, Jan lit a lamp. Mei let out a happy sigh as she lied in the bed. It was quiet for a while, with only said crickets and bamboo filling the space in between. Wanting to start a conversation, Mei tapped her knee and thought.

Maybe it was the way the room was illuminated this golden colour or maybe it was the way the crickets chirruped as the evening approached, but Mei thought of how she used to sneak into her father's study at night. Open his books, read about the places around the world and all that. It was a fond childhood memory, one where she'd read about what happened outside of her little island home. About the Ming treasure voyages, where envoys sailed to the Indian Ocean more than a millennia ago, and about the silk road, where China used to trade silk with Daqin for glass. So she wondered that since Jan was studying to be a merchant, perhaps he's been to similar places.

"Jan?" He looked over his shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Since you're a merchant in training and all, have you seen much of the world? Since your father is a merchant and all," Mei asked. Jan raised his eyebrows and stroked his chin.

"No... not exactly. I've only planned to be stationed at Formosa so far. I've been to England and Scandinavia, however, if that would help." Mei nodded.

"Ah." She balanced her head between her knees. "I see. So you stayed in the Netherlands?" Jan looked to the side. Walking nearer towards Mei, he nodded.

"Yes. I grew up in the Netherlands my whole life." He glanced to the side and sat beside the bed. "Though… I should be able to travel more in the future."

For a moment, they enjoyed the ambient silence outside.

"I'd love to see some more of the world someday, too," she continued, "I've only ever been to the mainland." Jan looked up.

"Where to?" She perked up.

"Oh! Well…" There were so many places! The Mughal Empire, Japan, the myriad of kingdoms in Europe… which one would she pick?

"I'd… like to visit Italy."

"Italy?"

"Yes! It's the home of Marco Polo, and I think that Daqin was located there as well. Which nowadays is called…" She stroked her chin. "Rome!" Jan raised his eyebrows.

"Huh, good choices there!" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'd… like to visit there as well."

"Really now!" He nodded.

"Italy's the birthplace of the Renaissance, and of many great artists." To her surprise, a small smile stretched on the corner of Jan's mouth. "With the Baroque movement happening right now, there's a lot of good artistic innovations happening over there. Architecture, music, art… so yes. It'd be really nice to go there." The sight of Jan's small smile made Mei's spirits soar. It wasn't that often that Jan smiled, so to see him be happy was a nice change of pace.

"Where else?" Mei asked.

"Hm? Oh. Where else…" Jan crossed his arms and stroked his chin. "Hmm… no, I'm not too sure if there's anywhere else I'd like to go." Mei huffed.

"I see. Oh! How about Japan?"

"Japan?"

"Since they sometimes let Dutch merchants in and all!"

"Ah. I… suppose that that's a good place to go, too."

They talked for the rest of the evening, discussing the future and about their dreams, long after the day melted into the night. As Jan returned to his dormitory, Mei fell back onto the bed. The fever had been uncomfortable, but Jan's company was enough to distract her from that. Talking about where they would like to go… she smiled.

Mei decided that she loved Jan's company much more than she had thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, it is the day of graduation. As it was their last day together, Jan and Mei attempt to make the most out of it.

Though Jan knew about his best friend's real identity, that did nothing to hinder their strong friendship. Granted, Jan had to catch himself from calling out Mei's real name each time they're outside. Fortunately, no one else noticed anything strange about "Tang", so they were free to continue their days like how they did before.

The two continued to attend classes like they always have. Now that their lessons were easier from their study sessions, they slid by with little friction as the months slipped away like wax off of candles. With the time slipping away so fast, it was no wonder as the final weeks flew by it was finally the day of graduation.

Along with a myriad of students in their white and blue hanfus, Jan and Mei waited as the headmaster, with his scroll of names, announced the graduate students. Though there were cheers as graduated students' names were announced, anxiety coursed through the two the longer their names weren't uttered. If unlucky, students would need to retake another year of their studies. Jan chewed the bottom of his lip. He needed to graduate as soon as he could in order to finish his training as a merchant and Mei's father had high expectations for her, too.

"Ready?" Mei whispered to Jan. He looked down, meeting her inky eyes, and nodded. Mei was quite restless, too, judging from how she shifted in her spot as she clasped her hands together. Jan gave her a quick pat on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, you'll definitely pass." Mei glanced up and smiled before she looked to the side, a smile on her face.

"Thanks!"

"Jan De Vries!" The headmaster called out. A sigh of relief escaped Jan as he climbed up the platform to collect his scrolled up certificate. Some acquaintances clapped, but the loudest was Mei. Glancing back at her as he descended down the stairs, he gave a small smile.

"You did it!" Mei greeted, shaking one of his hands. "You've passed!" Jan looked to the side, a lopsided smile growing as his face heated up.

"It's only thanks to your help!" He scratched the back of his head. "If I passed, you definitely did. I'm feeling confident."

Sure enough, the headmaster soon called out Mei's name, too. Mei descended down the platform, stars shining in her eyes as she looked at the rolled up paper. A smile and even a small, thankful laugh escaped as he clapped, though he was immediately tackled onto the ground by an ecstatic Mei.

"We both passed! We did it, Jan!" She cheered as she embraced Jan. "We graduated! We…" but her speech faltered. Her eyebrows furrowed a little as if she was deep in thought. "We…" Mei's smile disappeared. Jan frowned.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Mei faced away from Jan.

"We… we need to go back now."

Jan raised an eyebrow, confused until he realised what Mei meant. Once they've finished studying, they would need to return to their respective homes, and their time together will be over. But they have spent so long together that Jan couldn't  _imagine_  his day without Mei. Could he come back to his old life now?

Jan furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at the vivid hyacinth blue sky, so different from the pale cornflower blue of his native land. He needed to go back to the Netherlands, too- an entire continent away. Not only will they never study together again, but they will be miles and miles apart. His guts twisted and squirmed into a tight, uncomfortable knot. It was the same feeling as when he had to leave his siblings, this knowledge that he will be far away from the ones close to him.

"Don't worry, maybe I could visit you sometime," he said. As Mei glanced up, her eyes glimmering in hope, Jan couldn't help but glance to the side at the guilt. "Just… not very soon. I…" he twisted his lips. "I need to return to the Netherlands for my merchant training." Mei raised her eyebrows and glanced down.

"Oh." She cleared her throat and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "But…" To his surprise, Mei mustered up a small smile, like she always did. "We could spend one more day together. My carriage won't arrive until the evening. When do you need to go?"

"Ah. Well…" Jan scratched his head. "Tomorrow morning." Mei lit up, her eyes sparkling. Jan smiled- Mei always manages to find a silver lining.

"That's great! That's plenty of time!" Mei stroked the bottom of the chin. "Hmm… we could either paint and draw, or…" Mei's eyes wandered to the academy's gates, now open as the students start to flood out. Was she thinking about something?

"Is something wrong?" Mei rubbed the back of her neck.

"Since it's your last day here… you wouldn't fancy staying indoors for too long, would you?" Jan furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why she suggested it, and realising that Mei had remembered his love for the island, smiled.

"Heh, you know me too well." He rubbed the back of his head. "Certainly. I'd love to."

* * *

After they hastily packed up their belongings, they stepped out of the academy, hand in hand. Already students climbed into their carriages as their servants carried their luggage inside, ready to go home. It was funny to think that most students throughout their last 3 years have never stepped out of the white compounds of the academy, despite the location being the first time they've lived outside of their homes.

Away from the main road, they walked down worn down paths carved into the mountains by the feet of wandering travellers, where the birdsong was crisp and clear and the calming, leafy fragrance of trees permeated the area. The sounds of the other students' chatter and the creakings of the carriages dimmed until they were engulfed in the sounds of nature. Squeaking white eyes hid amongst the thick psithurism of the ancient cypress trees. Fallen leaves on the unfrequented paths crinkled underneath their feet. They strolled, not uttering a word as they drank on the unspoilt scenery and the sweet music around them.

Mei brushed one of his fingers, causing Jan's hand to jolt as a fluttery feeling spiked underneath his skin. As Mei retracted her hand, he fiddled his fingers, considering whether he should do something in response.

"Mind if I…" Mei turned her head around and smiled, the apples of her cheeks flushing a plum blossom colour.

"Sure." Jan nodded. With a slow, hesitant hand, Jan wrapped his fingers around Mei's. First a pinkie. Then a ring finger, each touch awakening static under his skin.

A silent gasp escaped his mouth as Mei connected their palms. Jan glanced at Mei, who gave him a cheery smile and a small shrug. Jan smiled back, and they continued strolling, enjoying the beautiful sights as they held each other's hands.

The higher up they strolled, the more picturesque the scenery became. Opaque mist clouded blue mountains in the distance, with only the very tips peaking. Plum trees bore their pink petals that drifted down upon the floor, the sweet aroma mingling with the mountain air. So many different locations, can he remember them all? Each time, Jan stayed a little longer to paint a picture in his mind, admiring every gleam, shadow, and colour. Judging from how Mei's eyes sparkled, she was awed by the scenery, too. Of course- Mei came from a rich household, so she wouldnt've gotten as much of a chance to explore natural landscapes.

Unfortunately, the longer they hiked, the longer their feet tired out. Once they were worn out, Mei exhaled and sat down on top of a rock.

"Let's… let's rest for a bit, shall we?" She huffed. Jan nodded and sat on top of the rock, too. Only once he put pressure off of his feet did he realise how much they ached. How long had it been since they've started walking? Wondering what time it was, Jan looked up at the sky. The sun was in the centre, signifying noon. It had been morning since they've left, too. He stroked his chin.

"Mei, we may need to go back at this point, any later and it'll be dark." Mei nodded

"Yeah, a good point. Let's rest for a while, though."

"Sure." Relaxing onto the rock, they both leaned upon each other and sighed

"Hah… I'm so thirsty... Guess we should've brought some water." Now that Mei had mentioned that, Jan's parched throat became a lot more noticeable. He slapped his hand onto his forehead- Mei had a good point, they should've brought some water. Maybe they should head back now and get some water from the academy. Even thinking about water made him hear trickling water, ever just so out of reach…

Jan opened his eyes. No no, the trickling water sound was still there. If lucky, that should be coming from a stream where they could get a drink.

"Hold on." Jan stood up. The trickling sound came from behind the shrubs. If his luck was bad, it could've come from water dripping down the rocks, barely counting as a stream. But the trickling water was too loud to be that. Convinced that it came from a large body of water, Jan delved into the foliage.

"Hm? Hey, Jan! Wait! Where are you going?" Mei called out.

"I think I hear a stream!" Though the shrubs' foliage was so dense very few sunlight reached the ground, the louder trickling sound urged him to keep on going.

At last, sunlight shone through once he reached a sunny clearing. He looked up as he brushed some excess leaves off of his shoulders. To his joy, the sound of water had come from a small spring. A small waterfall from a small limestone cliff dripped into a clear spring, fragrant lotus flowers cresting the surface while a kaleidoscope of red and black swallowtails fluttered above. Below his feet were soft, green grass, rejuvenated from the spring's water. The water chilled his hands as he dipped his cupped hands in. Bringing it up to his mouth, the cold, honey sweet water dripped down his throat, quenching that parched thing better than any elixir could.

Soon, Mei burst into the clearing as well, panting as she put her hands on her knees. But at the sight of the spring, Mei raised her head and, like Jan, looked around in wonder.

"Wow… it's really pretty here." Noting Jan's actions, Mei cupped her hands into the water and took a sip, too. "Ah! Just what I needed!" After she finished drinking, Mei stood up and, to his surprise, took off her slippers and socks. Jan raised an eyebrow as Mei slipped her lily white feet into the cool water. At the contact, Mei took off her bun, leaned onto the grass and let out a sigh. Not seeing the harm in doing so, Jan did the same.

The cool air touched his feet as Jan took off his socks and slippers. A relaxed sigh came out of him too as he slipped his feet into the chilly water, just what they needed for his tired feet.

For a while, they lied down upon the soft, fresh grass and watched the clouds drift in the sky and the butterflies fly. Jan raised an eyebrow- had they seen those butterflies before?

"These butterflies… these are the same type we've seen on our first day here," Jan noted.

"They are! What a strange coincidence! And…" Mei's speech melted into a small giggle when a butterfly perched on top of Jan's nose. Jan's nose itched, causing him to sneeze, sending the butterfly away. It fluttered higher and higher, above the limestone cliff and into the blue sky as Mei giggled on with her musical laughter. Where would the butterfly go from now? A strange crossed his mind whether they could see it again, seeing as it had the freedom to go wherever it liked. Mei was still giggling a little. Discarding that train of thought, Jan laughed along with her too.

"Jan, look!" After she finished giggling, she pointed towards a spot. His laughter dying down, he looked in the direction Mei pointed to. A pair of colourful mandarin ducks swam amongst the pool of lotuses, the brown-headed female preening the feathers of her brightly coloured mate.

"They're so caring of each other. We are like those ducks, don't you think?" Jan's lips twisted, wondering if Mei's words had some kind of connotations. But it was likely that Mei meant in a platonic sense. Sure, they were very close friends, though Jan… Jan didn't know if she loved him in  _that way._ It was likely just himself.

Jan stroked his chin and hummed in agreement. "In a platonic sense? Mhm. I guess that we are close enough to be like them. Yes." He expected Mei to respond immediately. Instead, she glanced his way, back at the ducks, and down again, her long, black hair tumbling down.

"Ah." Why was she so dejected?

"Mei? I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

"No no, erhm…" Mei looked to the side and twirled a lock of her hair. "I read a sad tale about them when… when I was a child, that's all." Mei wasn't the best liar. Jan wondered if something was wrong. But if Mei was lying rather than telling the truth, it was because she was protecting something rather personal. Jan looked to the front and swished his legs around in the water some more.

"Alright."

* * *

"Mei… thank you so much for being my friend over these past three years," Jan started as they arrived back at the academy entrance, in attempt to start a conversation. He raised his head, mustering up a small smile for her. In reality, at the sight of her carriage waiting by the entrance, his heart weighed down like lead. Seeing Jan smile, Mei smiled back, though there was a sadness behind those eyes.

"Same can be said for me." Mei gave a small chuckle as she looked down. "I… I wish I have anything else to add to that." To his surprise, Mei tackled him into another of her big, generous hugs. A flurry of feelings welled up at that. Jan was a more logic guided person, but at the thought that this will be their last hug for a while… well, tears were beginning to prick at the corner of his eyes. Mei let go and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "I'll miss you just as much. Oh! Hang on," Mei knelt down and dug into her luggage, pulling out a folded piece of paper carefully placed near the top, under a book so that it won't crumple. "Here, I almost forgot! Silly me. Have this." Mei handed Jan a folded piece of paper and gave him her sunny smile as she wrapped him into a hug again. "Something to remind me by."

Jan blinked once they parted. "A gift?" Looking down at the folded piece of paper, he stroked the surface with a finger and smiled as a kaleidoscope of butterflies tickled his stomach. "Thank you."

Sadly, their goodbyes cannot last forever and Mei had to leave. Jan let out a sigh as he leaned upon the white walls. Once the carriage departed, Jan opened the piece of paper.

It was a pastel drawing of two butterflies, another piece of paper wedged inside to ensure that none of the pastels rubs off to the other side. A male and a female swallowtail, their black, white, and red colours so vibrant against the yellow paper. They looked so lifelike- one touch, and they will flutter away. Upon further inspection, he noted that they were drawn with pastels. He smiled- Mei had improved so much since she first started.

"MEI!" He called out at the leaving carriage, hoping that Mei may hear. "SEE YOU NEXT TIME!" Only the sound of the carriage's wheels and the clopping of the horses' hooves responded. The carriage was too far away. Dejected, he

He thought that the carriage was too far away. To his surprise, Mei responded.

"I'LL BE WAITING!" Mei called back. Jan snapped his head up.

She'll be waiting… she'll be waiting… somehow, that gave him enough courage to go back.

* * *

In the morning, the carriage had gone from the thick, green foliage of the academy grounds to the urban, run-down streets of Zeelandia. The Wang household was a compound in the capital., as her father, Wang Yao was a powerful politician well known amongst the inner circle. Being such a politically important figure, her family lived in a large compound near the city centre. At the scent of petrichor, she huffed and placed her cheek upon her hand.

She will miss studying at the academy. Well, studying with Jan. Mostly Jan. But it seemed that Jan only saw her as a friend. A sigh came out. Well, at least they could still see each other from time to time. Perhaps she can write some letters to him, too.

On the bright side, she will finally be home in the first time in years. How were her brothers? The servants? And her father? Her spirits now heightened, she sat up straight, ready to come back home as the carriage strolled through the busy streets she had grown up in.

The nearer they arrived at her house, the more she heard something strange. The sound of the cheery, high pitched suona caught her attention, its melody cheerful and quick. She frowned, and sat up, peeking outside of the window. As Mei stepped out of the carriage, she looked around the courtyard. What was the occasion?

"Oh, excuse me," she muttered as one of the outside servants bumped into her. The servants glanced, but paid no other attention as they placed the caskets onto the ground. Mei looked forward.

Many servants not their own brought boxes and boxes of items into the courtyard. Littering the entire courtyard were lacquer wood boxes that bore crimson diamante stickers, a single pathway in between that lead to the house. Mei leaned in for a closer look. Inscribed upon each of the stickers was a single, black character:

**囍**

Joy characters, side by side, often representing a happy couple.

These were offerings for a marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 囍- this character is the duplicate of the xi character 喜, by itself meaning happiness. When doubled, it is used for marriage.
> 
> The butterflies are broad-tailed swallowtails, which are native to Taiwan
> 
> Mandarin ducks are a Chinese symbol for love, referenced in the original legend. Coincidentally, the word for a mandarin duck pair, yuanyang, colloquially means "odd couple" in Cantonese. So yes, Mei's hinting that she likes Jan in a romantic way XD
> 
> Buckle up, guys, this is the bit where the story gets sad


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mei finds out who is getting married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xiang- Hong Kong
> 
> Xiang's younger than Mei since to my knowledge, Hong Kong had been founded as a British colony sometime during 1842, while Taiwan had been founded as a Dutch colony sometime during 1623.

Mei raced around the courtyard, trying to find anyone she knew to learn what was going on. Though the red lacquer beams and the cobblestone ground had not changed since her absence, a lot had.

She didn't recognise one servant, and even when she did, most of them didn't recognise her back or were too busy carrying the crates to notice her. Not one of her brothers showed up either, nevermind her father, who was often gone on his business trips.

She slowed down, catching her breath as she wondered if she had ended up at the wrong courtyard. At last, a kick of joy chorused through her when she saw Xiang helping a servant carry a large box. At the sight of her younger brother, she couldn't help but tear up. In her three years of absence, he had grown taller, and his sides had lost its pudgy baby fat.

"XIANG!" She called out. Xiang whipped his head back at the voice. His cheeks lost its baby fat, too, and his face had grown longer. But he still had those pearl black eyes and those furrowed brows that reminded her of the gaze of shiba inus. At the sight of her, Xiang's face lit up and he let go of the box.

"Mei!" She collided into her younger brother, tackling him onto the hardwood floor and grasped him close and tight to make up for the 3 years away.

"Oh, Xiang, I've missed you so much!" Letting go and looking at Xiang's height, she beamed. "You've grown so tall, too!" Xiang nodded and looked to the side.

"Really now? Thanks, Mei." Mei smiled back at the sight of Xiang's rare smile. Sadly, if he had grown so much, that meant that she didn't and remained the same short size. She could only pout.

But her eyes fell back onto the crate Xiang carried. The crate Xiang helped transported had the same red diamante stickers like the ones outside. Mei's heart dropped into her stomach. "Xiang... is someone getting married?" Mei asked. A dreaded feeling told her that the answer was her, but she needed to be sure.

"Oh, this?" Xiang turned his head back towards the crate. "They're gifts for you. The Ma family has offered for your hand in marriage." The Ma family!

"Isn't the head of the Ma family one of Father's friends?" Xiang nodded.

"I know it's very sudden. But on the bright side, you'll be a part of a wealthy household."

"Oh. I… I see." But her mind wandered back to Jan. If she married to another family, she wouldn't be able to see him again. "Why must I marry? It's… it's not like we're bankrupt or poor, either. A lot of our older brothers already have stable Government positions, too."

Xiang's small smile went down. Drawing a breath in, he hooked his hand over his neck. "Well… I think that it's got to do with Father's good relationship with them." She glanced to the side, appreciating Xiang's reasoning, but still feeling down.

Thinking back to Jan, Mei's nails dug into her fist, guarded only by her long sleeve. What about dear Jan? Once she gets married, she wouldn't be able to see him as much anymore. Maybe she can talk to Father about this. Explain that she didn't need to be in a wealthy household to be happy. That was if he was home.

"Xiang, where is Father?" To her disappointment, Xiang shook his head.

"He's not home, he's on a business trip to the mainland." Mei widened her eyes and glanced to the side.

So it looked like that until her father came back, there was nothing she could do about her situation. But what about Jan? Jan was coming soon, too. He would be excited to see her again, only to learn that she will have to be married. Staring at the floor, she tightened her fist.

Well… at the very least, since he had to go back to the Netherlands, he won't find out right now.

In the back of her mind, a small wish hoped that she could see more of the world. Board a ship and travel together with Jan, even. Finding and painting other beautiful locations, forging many more memories together, every single bit lived to the fullest extent. Once she married, bound to her house and expected to be a loyal wife, she won't be able to do that anymore. At least back in the academy, it seemed possible. But now it crumpled and ripped into small, ineligible pieces.

"Mei?"

"I have someone else coming from the academy," Mei blurted out. Xiang looked back, surprised as he raised an eyebrow. Realising what she said, her blood froze in their veins.

"Really now? When?" Mei looked down. When did Jan say he was coming again?

"Around…" Mei realised that Jan's training would take at least a couple of years. That and the time it took to travel back would take a few months.

And here she thought that they can see each other again right away. A worm of doubt told her that he wouldn't be accepted, anyway. But since he was training to be a merchant, perhaps her father can allow… no, Jan was her dear friend, and she was his friend, too. She shouldn't think of him like that. That, and it wasn't like they could hold back the marriage for a few years, either. Once he came back in a few years, she will be married.

Her bottom lip trembled as something welled in her chest. She bit the inside of her cheek, attempting to hold back any tears that might come out. "It's alright. He's… he's only a friend." Mei glanced to the side and rubbed her arm. The words she added didn't make it all the better.

"Only a friend?" Xiang asked. "Well, that's alright… Mei, are you alright?" Mei glanced up.

"Uh-huh. Yes." Xiang frowned. At a realisation, a small gasp escaped his mouth.

"You love him." Love was a strong word. Did she? She took a deep breath in. He was certainly a good friend of hers, but he didn't love her back.

Perhaps.

"I miss him."

"Ah." Xiang walked forward and put his hand onto her shoulder. He mustered up a small smile for her. Somehow, the sight caused her guts to wrench. He was unsure, too. "Well... on the bright side, not all friendships last forever. In a few years, you'll move on."

That was his answer? She nodded. What he said was correct, though she didn't like to admit it. Memories were only so durable. 3 years compared to the rest of her life was so tiny, simply a drop of water in an ocean… she frowned.

Why did her mind wander back to the butterflies? Why did her mind wander back to the day in the spring? That was only yesterday, yet it seemed to be an eternity away. An eternity so recent… just like a dream, so wonderful and vast, only to melt into ether once one wakes up.

Just like Jan.

Mei shook her head. Except that Jan wasn't fake. Jan was alive, breathing, and real. Yes, Jan was alive, breathing and real, and he will come one day.

Only he will come back too late.

Frustrated, she ran into her old room as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Mei? Mei! Come back!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A really short chapter this week ^^ Ma Wen Cai from the original tale stays as Ma Wen Cai since he doesn't play a big role


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To his joy, Jan's ship back to the Netherlands was delayed due to turbulent weather, so he decided to visit Mei one last time. Remembering her betrothal to another family, Mei wasn't as overjoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the angst train

Due to turbulent weather ahead, his ship back to the Netherlands was delayed for one week. While the rest of the ship's crew were annoyed, Jan couldn't help but feel overjoyed- he could visit Mei one more time before his long journey to the Netherlands. As Jan walked, he fiddled with the artwork Mei had given him. As Mei's home was in the seaside town of Zeelandia, his visit was allowed to be quick. The less time spent travelling in turn for time with Mei, the better.

It was quite a contrast to change back into his European clothes after so many years wearing the loose hanfus. The sleeves and pants clung to his limbs and the padding underneath proved quite stiff. At the sight of him standing in front of the gates, the guards gave him puzzled looks on their faces.

Something else caught his attention, though. Servants carrying boxes with a single red diamante sticker entered the opened gates while some others played tunes on the suona. He frowned. They seemed to be gifts, what was the occasion?

These were offerings for a marriage. He shrugged it off and turned to a guard. "I'm here to visit…" A person from inside the courtyard caught his attention.

At the sight of her, Jan couldn't help but let out a silent gasp. Mei stood, a pristine smile on her face, her beautiful cheeks powdered with a peachy blush. She adorned a pretty lilac hanfu, embroidered flowers in white stitched upon the silk. It was strange to see her hair down and out of the academy's blue and white hanfus, but it was definitely her. A smile rose up his own face.

"Mei… you look beautiful." But to his surprise, she only nodded rather than had a bigger reaction like he had expected.

"Thank you." She lead him into the compound and said no more. The compound's courtyard had crates littered everywhere. Jan looked down and twisted his lips.

"Why are all these crates here?" Mei said nothing and continued to walk into one of the houses of the compound. As servants opened the door of the building in the front, Jan realised that the compound was even bigger than he had thought- three more houses bordered the perimeter of an intricate lily pond, the smell of lilies already wafting to where he stood. Two servants pulled out a chair at a table, a blue and white porcelain tea set waiting upon the lacquered wood.

Jan was about to reach the teapot, but Mei held it first and carefully poured some into Jan's cup.

"I can pour yours…"

"I'll do it by myself, please." Jan scrunched up his eyebrows. "Customs." He nodded. But Jan had a feeling that it was more than just customs- even if it was, there was no reason that Mei wouldn't be as distant and neutral. "How come you're back?"

"The ships are delayed due to turbulent weather."

"Ah. I see. Well… at least we can spend one more day together." One more day together… oh. His merchant training would take a few years. Perhaps Mei was mad at him for not telling him that.

As Mei reached out for her tea, Jan reached out and touched her hand. A small gasp escaped out of her mouth and she looked up. Using a thumb, he stroked across her silky hand. Mei widened her eyes at the gesture and she looked down, a nervous chuckle and a light blush dusting her cheeks. Jan smiled. There she was, the Mei he knew. But immediately, Mei's smile melted into an empty frown. His own smile melted away, too. What was wrong?

"Mei? Is it because I haven't told you that my merchant training would take a few years?" He stroked her hand some more. Of course she would be mad, only realising that after their last day at the academy. He sighed. "I'm… sorry-"

"No no!" He raised his eyebrows in surprise at her tone.

"Mei? What's wrong?" Mei's wide, black pearl eyes met his. But there was a sense of panic in them, similar to the look in timid deer. Oh, the mere look wrenched his heartstring to see his dear friend Mei to be so scared. What was it? What was making her so scared?

Mei's bottom lip quivered. An impatient part of him wanted to ask her again. Jan knew that it was something Mei needed time to think about, so he waited.

"Well…" Mei slipped her hands away and sighed. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, glancing side to side, a small, panicked frown upon her brow. "I… I don't think we can be friends anymore after today."

Something inside of Jan snapped. Not be friends anymore…? No. No no, he wanted to be with Mei. What was the reason? "Why?! Mei, please, we can work something out." In his mind, memories of their time together zipped around his head, comparing and checking each one. It couldn't be because Mei secretly resented him, could it?

"Jan, no, it's not your fault at all!" Mei's hands were over his. Jan heaved, experiencing the aftermaths of his brief episode, his heart hammering inside his chest, his forehead cool with sweat. Mei frowned, the scared look still there in her eyes as she scanned him.

The wind rustled the lilies and brung in more of their intoxicating perfume in between this strange moment of silence. Goldfish swam, frogs croaked, and dragonflies flew. Everything was moving.

Everything except the two of them.

A red and black swallowtail caught their eyes. So dainty in the wind, it floated into the open guest room, perching upon the edge of the table.

The same type they had seen in the spring.

Mei frowned, her bottom lip trembling as her entire form shook. Jan's eyes widened when a glassy sheen coated her eyes, warning incoming tears. With a choked sob, Mei hung her head down and cried onto their hands, tears falling down sob after painful sob. Every single one of them shattered and smashed his heart into unbearable pieces.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I'm…" a hiccup escaped. "I-I'm so sorry! I'm… I'm…" She sucked in air, preparing to say something. Jan held his breath, too afraid to breathe out. "Betrothed."

A bolt of lightning struck down his spine. Mei, betrothed and set to marry someone else… no… no!

The mere thought of Mei married to someone else… every inch of his being shook. Oh did it threaten tears to fall from his eyes as well! But for Mei's sake, he must keep them down. Inhaling, he forced the tears back and concentrated on the present.

Mei sobbed. Oh did she sob. Oh did it pain him. Jan stroked her hand, comforting her, even when their hands were wet with tears.

"Shh… it's okay. I'm here. There's nothing to worry about. I'm here," he whispered, repeating the words like a mantra. Slowly but surely, Mei's sobs hushed as she calmed down.

"Jan…" she whispered, her voice quivering. "I don't want us to be apart forever." Mei took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself down. "I don't want everything we've done together to be so ephemeral." Another breath. "I've… I've always thought that we would be together for at least 10 more years..."

His hands trembled at the very mention. Jan bit the inside of his cheeks to hold back the welling tears. He thought so, too. He wished… he wished that at the very least, he could be stationed at Formosa in the future and that he and Mei could still see each other. Maybe with permission, they could sail to somewhere else, such as Italy like Mei had hoped or some other new, exciting place.

Or maybe… maybe they would always be dreams ephemeral like butterflies- new, fantastical and wonderful, but gone the next day. This mere thought stirred something painful yet warm within his chest. Jan frowned.

It was when he realised that he loved her.

He shook his head. No. Nevermind the future, focus on the present. Mei was his friend, and she needed his help.

Mei had calm down. Her head still hung down, but she was silent. A million thoughts were zapping inside of her head, but she was defeated. Sitting up, she wiped away her tears, a neutral expression on her face as she reached for the tea. Her face was red and puffy, her eyes were pink and shiny.

"At least…" Jan held his breath. Mei sighed. "Nevermind. Jan, our tea's getting cold." She said nothing more as she sipped out of the cup.

Jan drew back his hands and grasped the tea. Was that it? Were they going to be permanently apart?

He whipped his head up at the sound of servants pacing down the outdoor hallway, a commotion amongst them. Mei rotated her head towards the sound.

"Father must be back." Father? The patriarch of the household Wang Yao. He furrowed his eyebrows as a train of thought entered his mind.

He stood up. Mei whipped her head up, a surprised look on her face.

"Jan? What are you…" He said nothing. Making eye contact, he gave Mei a reassuring smile as he reached into his pocket, pulling out the folded piece of paper, placing it onto the edge of the table.

"I'll be back." With one last reassuring smile, he stroked his hand and followed the servants.

Mei looked back and furrowed her eyebrows, confused. A horrid realisation struck her when she realised that Jan was going to change her father's mind. Looking down, she opened up the paper, gasped, and cried.

It was the pastel drawing of the butterflies that she had given him.

"Jan, wait, JAN!"

* * *

Wang Yao's study was on the other side of the lily pond. Unlike the guest room, the study was mostly closed off, with only a pair of foldable paper windows allowing light inside. One of the windows were open.

For a split second, Jan saw Wang Yao. Wang Yao's eyes met his for a split second, causing him to look away. They were patient but regal and commanding, reminding him of the eyes of dragons.

Once the servants left the door from behind, Jan reached for the handle of the door. His forehead was cool with sweat, and his heart was hammering. Taking a deep breath in, he pulled open the door.

The study was a gorgeous place made of red, shiny lacquered wood. Wang Yao faced away from the entrance, focusing on his works as he looked at the lily pond in front of him. From the half-opened window, Jan could see the guest room, but Mei was nowhere to be seen. Papers rustled as Wang Yao himself sorted through documents, stamping cinnabar red seals onto one of them before moving on to the next one.

He glanced over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes at the intrusion. Jan twisted his lips. Was he supposed to say something?

"I'm a friend of Mei's at her academy. Jan De Vries," he said. Wang Yao did nothing, but after an eternal minute, faced his documents again. He called for a handmaiden waiting in the shadows and whispered something. She listened and nodded before walking away. A few minutes later, she came back, a plate of carefully arranged dumplings in her hands as she placed them onto a table in the front. The peels were transparent, allowing him to see the bits of green chives pink pork inside, with an iridescent sheen reminding Jan of mother of pearl.

"Come eat," Wang Yao instructed, still sorting through his documents. "The peels are made from crushed pearls, made by the finest chefs of Korea. Have some. The Ma family has given gifts for 3 days nonstop, we could need some help eating all of this."

He frowned. No, there was no time for eating. "I'm here to talk about Mei. Have you asked her about this? The marriage." Wang Yao didn't answer straight away. Jan held his breath as the rustling of paper filled the gap.

"The Ma family is a good friend of ours. If I can be familiar with them, she can, too."

"But I don't think she'd… she'd like to."

"To like and to need are two independent actions. You're too young to understand." Jan frowned.

"... need? What do you mean?"

"To provide with her for everything she needs." Jan scrunched up his eyebrows, confused at his meaning until he realised that Yao meant marriage. A small flush bloomed across his face. But there was no time to correct him. Marriage or no marriage, the priority was to get Mei out her upcoming one. "Look at you, you look barely past 20. As a new graduate, I presume that you do not have a career. Unless you do?" Jan widened his eyes and twisted his lips, surprised at his bold statement. There was his merchant career… but he needed time to finish training.

"... not right now. But… I'm a merchant in training."

"Discussed this with your father yet?" No. He frowned- he was ashamed to admit it, but Wang Yao had a point. He couldn't just bring Mei with him back to the Netherlands right now.

"I… no. I haven't, sir. I've only found out about the marriage today."

"Only today?" He stamped onto another document. "The marriage had been planned for a couple of years. I'm surprised that she hadn't told you." Jan frowned. Was it? The only reason that Mei didn't tell him must've because it had always been at the back of her mind.

"Well it's likely she knew. But…"

"But what? You love her? What if she falls out of love with you?" Bitter fury boiled in his guts. "You only knew her for 3 years, but relationships fail. What will you do now?"

"But what makes you so sure that she wouldn't hate you after this!" He held back the rest. Out of a fit of anger, that had burst out of his mouth. Oh no.

Wang Yao turned his head around, his golden eyes piercing into his skull. "Hate me? How can you be so sure? You knew her only for 3 years, I knew Mei for her entire life. Yet you claim to know her better than I do?"

"No!" No… dear Lord. What has he done?

"You think you can give her everything? Do you think you can promise her a bright future? Do you think you can dictate her future when you barely knew her for 3 years?" He slammed the stamp onto the desk. "Your time is up, foreigner. Out."

Jan jolted when two guards grabbed him by the elbow.

"Wait, WAIT!" What about Mei?! She was expecting him! She was waiting for him!

The guards slammed the door shut, and dragged him away. He struggled with all of his might, but he failed to struggle out. Ignoring his cries of protest. Ignoring his tears.

They threw him out of the white courtyard walls. In the pitch dark night, he clawed, beaten onto the nail-crested gate. Even if the round nails pounded into his fist, rendering it pained, he still beated the door, crying Mei's name.

His sister found him early the next morning. The gate stained with blood, his clothes dirty with grime, and his cheeks streaked with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> China might seem a little mean, but Yao’s just a very busy dad and does what he thinks is best.
> 
>  
> 
> Trivia: the dumpling scene’s ripped out from the 1994 version of the butterfly lovers story, the lovers. A lot of the incoming chapters alludes that film, in fact.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer could Jan enter the Wang household. No longer could Jan see Mei. Mei was a million miles away, separated by miles and miles of seawater.

Immediately Jan was sent to board the next ship back to the Netherlands. For weeks, there was nothing but the blazing sun and the pugnance of seawater. Outside the ship, the dull ocean stretched infinitely across the horizon, everywhere the same with no land in sight. It had been like this for a long, long time. Only when the sun rose or when it set or when it rained did the scenery had some change. But they cycled, again and again in this slow, petty pace from day to day. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and back again.

Though Jan's father busied him with instructions to navigate the seas, for most of the day Jan slept. Anything was welcome to help him escape this prison of water and salt, even if only temporary. So it was no surprise that he dreamt of Formosa. Of the mighty jade green forests, The whistle like birdsong, the blue sky as it mingled with the cotton white clouds. The springs, rivers, mountains, nature.

Home.

He dreamt of Mei as well. She was always smiling and was always content. They were either travelling across the world exploring various fanciful places, or at Formosa taking walks. Sometimes, they were at the academy, Mei not needing to dress up as a man. Sometimes, they were at the spring, exchanging jokes as they chilled their tired feet in the cool water. Most importantly: she was with him, and they were always happy. During those dreams, Jan thought that he could be happy again.

And then he woke up.

Too tired to care, Jan didn't eat much. He didn't draw much, either. The sight of his pastels stirred up painful memories inside that would render him worse off. If he had to, he used charcoal. But inside the ship, there was nothing much to draw anyway, only the bare minimum of his belongings. He wondered if Mei would have liked to learn how to use these.

" _Hm, well I like the pastels better,"_ she would had said. " _They're a lot more vibrant! Though..."_ she would stifle a laugh.

Once they stopped at Batavia to restock supplies, a dizzy, head-splitting headache overpowered him. He couldn't stand up- it pounded inside his skull, compressing his brain so painfully. One of the ship's crew nored that it was perhaps nausea from being on the ship for too long- seasickness was not uncommon for voyages as long as this, it was something he would need to be used to.

Jan heeded the advice and went to carry on learning how to restock for voyages. As they wandered around Batavia's market, Jan's mind couldn't help but wander somewhere else. Batavia was warm and humid. It had palm trees and a buzzing rich culture. Would Mei have liked to see this place-

He had to snap his mind out of that thought. He could never see Mei again, thinking about her even after so long would just be meaningless torture for him.

But it appeared that his subconscious wanted otherwise, relentless despite his headache. As he fell asleep that night, he dreamed that they were married. Mei donned a beautiful peony red hanfu customary for Chinese brides with butterflies, plum blossoms, and a pair of Mandarin ducks embroidered on the sleeves.

" _Do you remember?"_  She had asked. " _These butterflies show up everywhere we are! And…" a light pink blush on her cheeks, she tucked a strand of hair behind her crown. "When I see plum blossoms, I think of the ones at the academy. The Mandarin ducks on the other hand, well, have you realised what they meant yet?"_

He had, Mei. He had. And oh was he happy. With tears of joy, they said their vows, and promised to love each other for evermore.

When he woke up, only silence greeted him. He was back on the ship with the stench of the dry, salt tainted air. Alone. Forbidden to see Mei ever again.

For the first time since he left, tears fell.

* * *

A week later, a furious fever rose. When strange rashes appeared and his gums bled, the crew's worst suspicions were made true. Scurvy. With his teeth weak from the disease, his sister Emma made him a stew of pickled vegetables with some lemongrass, ginger, and other herbs from Batavia.

"Careful, it's hot," she reminded as she offered him a spoonful of the concoction.

" _Careful, it's hot."_

" _I know, I know!" Mei said, sipping the medicine at the rims of the bowl._

Jan winced. "I know, I know." With every gulp he risked throwing up from a lack of appetite and that medicine's horrid taste similar to garden mulch.

_"Gosh, I hate drinking medicine. The smell reminds me of garden mulch!"_

"Jan? Are you thinking about something…" he grabbed the bowl of medicinal stew in Emma's hands. "Hey! Don't burn yourself!"

He knows, Emma, he thought. He knows. Emma would always let the food cool a little before serving it, so he should be fine. The heat seared into his hands and throat and the taste threatened to make him drop the bowl. But he knew that Mei would've wanted him to make a recovery. So he drank it all up, every last drop.

At the Cape Town station, he received a letter. It was from Wang Yao.

_Mei's condition had been worsening every since you had left Formosa. Your letter arrived last week, For the first time, she smiled. But she cannot stay like this, as she will be married in a few months' time. These letters cannot come back forever- one day, they will stop as our lives become busier and old relations needed to be discarded. If Mei rely her happiness on these letters only, she will never learn to be happy otherwise. For her sake, she needs to move on in life and stop chasing ephemeral dreams- she needs to learn to be resilient. It pains me to see her everyday, sneaking out to the ports and waiting for you. You will inevitably get married. If you are to be a merchant, chances are you will fall in love with dozens of other women. You will start a new life while she still waits for you, unable to continue her own. Please, for her sake, cut off your relationship with her. She cannot suffer any longer, and once she learns of your disinterest, she will move on herself._

_Sincerely,_

_Wang Yao._

The words shook and blurred, hot tears welling up in his eyes as the paper crumpled in his fists. He loved Mei. He loved her with all of his heart. But was this true? Was clinging to the past hurting her? Was it better for her to move on?

Teardrops fell upon the paper, wrinkling small circles and smudging the ink.

With shaking hands, he retrieved a quill and a piece of paper, a bottle of ink ready to use. Seeing his old calligraphy set again would render him unable to write the letter, and he needed to concentrate despite this headache. Despite the precautions, the quill between Jan's fingers quivered when he remembered his calligraphy classes with Mei.

Barely passing music. Drawing butterflies. Hiding in springs. All but mere dreams, melting into nothingness. All of this… the truth was, if these memories hurted him, they were hurting Mei as well. What if it was better if this never happened at all? Mei would be content. Excited, even, for a new married life. A new life of plenty. A new life where she has a husband who can forever care for her. Yao was right, Mei was a loving, nurturing person- after all, she fell in love with someone like himself. Except that the Ma family could promise her a brighter future. A much, much brighter future than anything he could give her. What use was there to cling onto bare hope when it only existed in dreams?

The quill in his hand shook, the cabin disappearing as his headache increased. But that? That was nothing. How could he?

How could he?

How  _dare_  he?

How-!

His constricted chest forced him to cough. Hot blood stained red patches onto the white paper, but he wasn't done. He collapsed. Lukas' silhouette entered the cabin first before Emma's. His lungs constricted, preventing any air from entering as he coughed up blood.

Everything blacked out.

* * *

Despite everyone's best wishes, his scurvy had gotten worse. His hair fell out and his gums continued to bleed as he coughed up blood. Over time, his cheeks sunk into his skull and his skin dulled. Over time, he became a living corpse.

One night, he realised that his consciousness was drifting in, out, in, out. He had a fear… what if he never makes it back to the Netherlands? Only last week they have given a sailor a peaceful burial at sea after he died of scurvy. From his latest memory, the sailor was diagnosed not long after he himself was. Before he passes on, too, he needed to act, and fast.

Jan fought his sapped energy as he dug out his writing supplies. But as he opened the box of writing utensils, his eyes fell upon the materials he had used at the academy. The sight of the inkstone gave him a memory of how he'd wake up in the morning, his face covered in ink. A small sad smile crept up his face as he thumbed the cool, dry stone, feeling the granite's rough crevices, remembering the nights where he and Mei would study for the next day.

Closing his eyes, he remembered the sensations of the memory. Though it was tiring, it was nostalgic anyway. Out of habit, Jan opened the case holding his brushes, feeling the bamboo shaft and the soft rabbit fur tips, so different from his quill.

These utensils reminded him of Mei. He closed his eyes and recollected his memories.

Jan opened his eyes. He knew what to write. With shaky hands, he poured water from his flask into the inkstone and brewed the ink needed for writing. He wrote short notes for Emma, Lukas, and his father, despite his sapping energy. It was unlikely that these will be needed to given straight away- perhaps put them in a box with his belongings, so that they will be opened when his belongings are searched in case he was fine the next day.

His eye caught the sight of the box of pastels- new when he came to Formosa, they should be reduced to small stubs now. He smiled- Mei's use of them probably made them shrink faster. Remembering the memory, a painful sensation awoke inside his chest and he carried on writing.

He had finished writing to his family. But there was still one last piece of paper left. He took a deep breath in. It was for a will.

_I wish to have seen more of the world, and that I could've gotten better. But perhaps the place I will remember the most is the forests and clouds of Formosa, the beautiful island. Let me be buried on its porcelain shores, for I want to forever be beside my beloved_

* * *

The next day when they arrived at the port of Amsterdam, he was gone. Emma and Lukas cried, as so did their father.

Heeding his dying wishes, they preserved his body with ice, changing them long enough until they arrive back to Formosa. They buried him in a graveyard upon a hill. It was sombre the day they buried him. Black clouds swirled in the grey, cloud covered sky. Jan's family agreed to stay for a few more days on the island to mourn his passing. That day, they had lost an eldest son and the eldest brother.

Finally, it was their last day on the island. 'The sooner we leave this wretched place, the better,' Father had told them. Emma followed her brother and her father back to the ship. In her hands was Jan's letter supposedly for the Wang family, now folded up. A coil of fury burnt inside of her gut, threatening to burst. Did the Wang family have any idea what they had done? The letter in her hands crumpled. She will show them. Speak to the patriarch Wang Yao and give this letter to him.

Despite calls from her father and brother, Emma rushed away from the ports and into the heart of Zeelandia. She remembered where the Wang household was as clear as day, she knew where to go!

At last, she had arrived. The gates were opened as a young Asian woman walked into the courtyard.

"HEY!" She called out. The lady turned her head around, curious. "I'm looking for Wang Yao…" the lady frowned, a look of confusion upon her brow.

"请问。。。您是迷路脸吗？对不起，我不会讲外国语文。"

Emma widened her eyes. The letter in her hand crumpled. Why couldn't she speak Mandarin!

"Wang Yao!" Emma raised the crumpled letter above her head and stepped into the courtyard. "I'm looking for Wang Yao! He needs to know what had happened to Jan! Jan didn't do anything wrong!" Tears were pricking in her eyes, but she needed some way to get her to understand!

The guards had other plans as they grabbed her arms. Emma struggled, trying to catch the lady's attention."WAIT! HANG ON!" The guards dragged her out of the gates despite her protests. Clinging onto the paper, she threw the crumpled thing into the courtyard. "This is what you've all done to Jan!"

The guards dumped her onto the streets and closed the gate. Emma stepped back, her bottom lip trembling as she looked at the closed gate.

"EMMA!" A voice from behind her called. It was Lukas, huffing from all the running. "You…" at the sight of his sister, Lukas' facial features relaxed. "Emma?" he whispered. At the sight of her young brother so sad, Emma couldn't help but loosen her features as sorrow welled. No, he didn't need to be involved in this.

"Come on," she whispered as she held his hand, walking back to the ports as she wiped away her tears. "Let's go home."

* * *

A strange woman appeared at the gates today. She was European, easily distinguishable from her poppy orange hair, her freckles, and her wide green eyes. From the curses she had thrown in this foreign language, Mei could tell that it was Dutch.

She thought she had heard Jan's name in her speech. Was she her sister? Mei remembered how Jan briefly sketched his siblings before. Short hair, wide eyes… it was her!

Mei picked up the crumpled letter and hid it into her sleeve, away from the guards and back in her room. Through the limited transparency of the paper, Mei could see a splash of red. Was it a drawing? Please be a drawing. But why did Jan's sister scream so much? Why were there tears in her eyes? Her hands shook. Mei wasn't stupid. But it couldn't be something too horrible, could it? With careful fingers, she pried open the crumpled letter.

When Mei saw the bloodstains, her eyes widened.

A piercing, mournful cry echoed the entire courtyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hnnhnhkjgfhdskjfj Ned is dead, this was the part I've been dreading to write for so long now AAAA
> 
> "请问。。。您是迷路脸吗？对不起，我不会讲外国语文。"- excuse me, are you lost? Sorry, I can't speak any foreign languages.
> 
> Batavia- capital of the Dutch East Indies, now modern day Central Jakarta, Indonesia.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FINAL CHAPTER | The day is the day of Mei's wedding, a day with so, so many regrets. The heavens above wants to prove otherwise.

For days after the blood stained letter fell into her hands, Mei did nothing but wept and wept.

Due to this, none of the servants lest for the most trusted ones were allowed to enter her room, and even then, they chose not to in fear of worsening her sorrowful state.

After all that had happened, with Mei's deteoriation and her lover's death, it was a surprise why the wedding was still happening. Their father had left for another business trip, erasing all hope for Xiang to change his mind. Talking was out of the question, sending letters was too slow.

Xiang exhaled. It had been a long time since the servants helped Mei to get ready- they should've been ready in the morning, and already the Ma family was growing impatient. Grey storm clouds swirled in the paper blank sky like ink in water.

"Young master," a timid servant spoke out, "we're ready."

When Xiang turned around, a sight made his heart snap. Two servants coaxed Mei out of her bedroom doors, each holding her hand as if she was a fragile, elderly lady. A heavy golden phoenix crown and a gauzy red veil covered her face. Her cinnabar red hanfu looked too heavy for her, so much so Xiang feared that it would drag her down. Heavy white makeup and blush caked her face that Xiang knew was hiding her face. With her porcelain white makeup and that crooked pose, she looked so much like a broken doll. Something broken ready to be gifted to someone else, but fixed with various things to look presentable enough.

They guided her into the litter vehicle where Xiang and the servants waited for her to board, the red silk curtains fluttering in the wind.

Xiang winced. "Mei…" he whispered, close enough to make sure no one but Mei would hear. Mei did nothing. Did she hear him? He didn't know. But again, she hadn't moved much lately. "I'm sorry. Father's overseas again, so I can't change his mind." Xiang furrowed his eyebrows as a train of thought came along. The foreigner was buried in his home land, so Mei couldn't even see him again. Xiang clenched his fist. Why did fate have to be like this? But spite have no use now. All the spite in the world couldn't change destiny. A sigh came out as he looked at the sky. "Oh, heavens, please be merciful on her."

Frequent obstacles blocked the paths in the city, mostly construction and paths blocked with rocks. In the end, they had no choice but to go to the Ma family's compound by going outside the city. But over and over again the paths were blocked. As another landslide filled the path, the servants, tired and worn out, sighed.

"What do we do now?" Another servant shrugged.

"To the next road!"

"Again? At this rate we'll be there by tomorrow!"

Mei sat as the litter rocked and the suonas blared. Late or not late… that didn't matter. Sooner or later, the marriage would happen anyway.

Mei clutched the folded piece of paper close to her chest, being careful not to scrunch it up too much. It had been 3 months since the death of Jan De Vries.

Jan. Oh how he missed him. His calm demeanour, his shy nature, his artworks… but he will never come back again.

Her vision went blurry and a tear rolled down the make up. Seeing the tear, she wiped it off of the red silk with the white hanfu underneath. Crying had no use now. This was her fate and she had to accept that.

"Would you look at that, a Western styled grave," she heard some of the servants mutter. Even though she knew many other Dutch people lived on this island, some wanting, wondering side wondered… could it be Jan?

Mei remembered Jan's sister. Why did she arrive to her house? Wasn't she in the Netherlands? Then it clicked.

The sandy wind lifted up the litter's red veil. At the sight before her, Mei's tired eyes widened and her sapped energy returned in full force.

There was a grave on top of the hill, freshly dug with a fresh bouquet of flowers. It was a European styled grave, easily seen from the wider gravestone and the Roman letters.

Even if the sand scratched and watered her eyes, Mei didn't dare blink, in fear that all this was an illusion. But she knew what those Roman letters meant.

Jan De Vries.

The litter was moving away. No, no! She needed to go outside! "Stop! STOP! LET ME OUT!" Summoning every ounce of will inside her tired muscles, she stood up and pushed outside the veils.

"MEI!" Xiang called out. "WAIT!" Mei's knees collided onto the solid ground, causing her to cry in pain, but she didn't care.

Mei ignored the other servants start to riot, urging her to come back and pushed onwards. The sandy wind scratched her face and tangled into her hair, pulling her veil off. But she didn't care- Jan was barely a few feet away! She could make it! Stride by stride she went up the hill.

Faster. She needed to run faster! Mei tore off the heavy golden crown and stripped off her red hanfu, showing her white hanfu undergarment- red had no place to do in a funeral, so this will have to do for now. Mei widened her eyes when she remembered Jan's picture, but a quick look inside her white sleeve showed that it was still there. Thank heavens.

Fire blazed in her throat and lungs and her legs ached to stop. But he was so close, she can make it without stopping, she knew she could. At last, Mei was at the summit and Jan's gravestone was next to her feet. Upon the grave she collapsed onto her knees.

Breath by breath, she heaved. Mei opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. The same paper blank clouds in the sky filled her head. How strange, she had so much to say but nothing wanted to come out. Sadness, shock, frustration, hiraeth… all of these feelings were rising again. They itched the inside of her gut with the feather light touches of butterflies. Of course… it wasn't every day that you kneel in front of the grave of the one you love.

Mei closed her eyes. Maybe… maybe she could talk to him like she would regularly do. She took a deep breath to collect her thoughts. Breathing out, she opened her eyes. She was ready.

"Hi Jan. I'm sorry I've arrived too late." Mustering as much energy as she can, she put up a small smile. "I… I missed you a lot, I, I imagine that you would, too." Maybe. Or… at least she hoped.

"Do you remember?" Mei asked. "Do you remember when we'd study until the morning? A-and you'd wake up with ink on your face." A sad smile, nearly a laugh even, crept up her face at the little memory.

She reached into her robes, pulling out a folded piece of paper with shaking hands. "This… thank you so much for giving this to me." With careful hands, she opened up the picture. Still perfectly drawn as always. Tears were beginning to prick up in the corners of her eyes, but nevertheless, she mustered up strength to place a rock over the piece. "I really missed you, a-and I… I still find it hard to believe that we'll never see each other again." Mei took a heavy, low breath in. "Thank you for taking care of me whenever I'm sick. Thank you so much for everything. Even now. When I'm next to you… I'm at peace. I love you."

A mighty clap of thunder cracked over her head. She whipped her head up. The clouds were this deep navy colour now. The gale howled and whistled against her ears as cold, fierce rain plummeted upon the earth, shaking the ground and soaking every inch of her body.

But no rain fell upon the grave as the clouds above the grave were parted. A beam of light shone upon it from a patch of clear blue sky, such a contrast to the navy blue background. Mei looked up, wondering how that had happened.

"Mei." A light gasp escaped her lips. She knew that voice. She knew that voice anywhere, but it couldn't be him. "I've missed you so much."

From each of the tips of her hair down to her deepest bone marrow, she trembled. But it sounded so much like him. Mei's heart pounded in her chest as she lowered her head ever so slowly. One part wished that it was him, one part reasoned that it could not be possible…

But there he stood, ever so ethereal underneath the milky light.

Jan's hair and skin had a semi-transparent quality, as if he was something barely of this world. But those leafy green eyes were still here, the scar he had on his forehead marked the same spot, and he had this ever so loving yet shy gaze that Mei knew only Jan could have.

Her fingers quivering, she reached inside the warm beam of light, the droplets of water upon her skin drying immediately, and touched his cheek. It was warm. Not solid, rather only enough to be noticeable, like touching a block of warm air.

"Jan…" He nodded. Mei widened her eyes "It's you." The pricked tears dripped out of her eyes, not out of sadness, but joy. Pure, unfiltered joy. "It's really you!" Jan nodded, a gentle smile upon his face. Her wide smile quivering, she hugged Jan so, so tightly. A tidal wave of euphoria washed away everything wrong and uncomfortable that fate had unleashed onto her over these past weeks, spilling them out in tears of joy as it warmed every inch of her. "I've missed you so much," she murmured as she sniffed. "Please… please don't leave ever again."

Jan brushed away some of her hair and guided her face up. His face was scrunched up in a musing expression, his eyebrows furrowed as he thought. Jan glanced to the side and bit his bottom lip. The next thing he said froze Mei on her spot in a mixture of uncertainty and hope.

"You can come with me."

"MEI!" Mei whipped her head behind. Xiang had, despite the sandy gale and the bullet-like rain, arrived halfway on the hill.

"Xiang!" She let go and stood at the edge of the light, close enough to feel the bullets of icy rain. Xiang climbed up so that he was right next to her, though outside of the light, his black pearls eyes wide out of this… fear as he heaved.

He took a deep breath in. "You…" the words died in his throat as he looked down. Despite the rain pelting so much water onto him, Mei could tell that there were near tears in his eyes.

"Hey…" she reached out into the rain, freezing her hand, and stroked his cheek. Xiang's eyebrows scrunched up and his chin trembled ever so slightly, causing her to reach out and embrace him. "It's okay. Big sister's here, it's okay." Xiang clung onto her immediately and she clung on tighter.

As she hugged him, a train of thought interrupted her mind. Should she abandon everything else in this world? Would she rather be with Jan or stay here?

"If this is what you want… then…" he looked to the side. "You can go." Mei widened her eyes, stepping back and cupping his cheeks.

"Are you sure about this?" Xiang nodded, mustering a small, supportive smile.

"I'd rather you be happy than sad here."

Mei widened her eyes. Looking back at Jan and at Xiang again, she decided her choice. They kissed each other's cheeks and embraced each other one last time as they bid farewell and Mei shivered from the cold one last time.

The wind crowned her red veil back onto her head as the lovers faced each other. Such an ethereal sight. Ghosts dorned in white inside the light, a red veil upon the ghostly white bride for her groom. Holding onto each other tightly, never wanting to let go.

Jan gave Mei a small peck on the forehead, a touch both had been longing for so long. "Let's go."

The beam of light dissolved into the darkness. As the two lovers too dissolved into darkness, the heavens calmed. Sand, gale, rain… all ceased, and back into the sunny blue day that remained.

All was left were a crown, a red hanfu, and a picture of two butterflies.

On closer examination of the grave, they saw that not one name was engraved, but two.

_Jan De Vries_

_王梅_

* * *

That afternoon, all things joyous was turned to the contrary. One by one, they mourned and kowtowed at the grave for the loss of the servant's lady and a sister. When night came and Xiang went back home, he told his brothers everything. They mourned at the grave for 3 more days until their father's return.

His father refused to believe in the story until they lead his father to the grave. At the sight of Mei's name carved next to Jan's, he collapsed onto his knees, showing such shocked, mournful look. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, gave a blessing, and gave three kowtows.

Xiang was always the last one to leave, even father. The sky was getting dark. His very soul stirred with the tired gale. Xiang stood up, deciding that it was time to go. "Goodbye," he whispered. Perhaps they could meet again in an afterlife. Xiang considered taking the picture, but… he wasn't sure, after all that Mei and her lover went through, it didn't seem right to take it. Perhaps Mei would like it to stay here.

Taking a deep breath in, he stood up and walked away, glancing back one more time before he left.

The picture of the two butterflies continued to ripple in the wind. In the wind, the butterflies seemed to flutter, as if eager to escape the paper's surfacd.

Upon the gentle breeze, one of the pastel butterfly's body lifted. A corner of its little red and black wing peeled off the paper, solidifying into proper flesh. As its antennae rose, she lifted her wings off of the page, letting them dry before flying away from the paper.

Turning back, the butterfly hovered for her companion. Her companion was a larger male, so took longer to get ready.

Finally, the larger butterfly peeled off from the paper. And so the butterflies flew higher, higher. With those wings, they could fly wherever they desire.

People saw glimpses of them and thought of nothing, continuing on their work. Admiring them sometimes, but always returning to their daily lives. Wherever and whenever you see two butterflies passing by, perhaps those are the spirits of the butterfly lovers, seeing the beautiful world up to this very day.

完

Het einde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading! Special thanks to Freeandbored, without you the fic wouldnt've been possible !
> 
> Apologies for the hiatus, I would really miss this story, PLUS our lovebirds are dead (character deaths are NOT fun) and I got a little emotional, heh.
> 
> 王梅- Wang Mei
> 
> Litter- a type of wheelless vehicle. They're small rooms balanced on two poles and carried by people at the front and back.
> 
> Red and white symbolism- what I LOVED about the 1994 film was the use of the red dress symbolism. In China, red is used for weddings and white is for funerals, unlike the west where white is commonly worn for weddings. So with the white undergarment and the red veil, Mei was essentially a ghost bride, AND because wedding dresses in the west are commonly white, it sort of double qualifies as a wedding.
> 
> Kowtow- bowing, the highest sign of reverence. People usually kowtow 3 times at funerals.
> 
> Once again, thank you all!


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